The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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