If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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