My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
