I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i think i just lost a toe
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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