I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
