Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
