I want to make a zoo with you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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