he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
