just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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