Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize