Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm at about main and main street
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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