he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
