Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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