so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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