Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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