A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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