Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
