Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
grandma shit on top of the toilet
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
