Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
