I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if only i could text you this smell
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
