Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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