I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
