White coat. Heels.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
