Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
