It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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