"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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