You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize