You don't have asthma, your pregnant
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
