you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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