i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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