I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize