I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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