and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
