We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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