you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
