Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
