mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
