At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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