Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
