So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
they need to just BURY HIM!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
