Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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