So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She bit a glass in half.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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