So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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