Hey man sorry I got all grabby
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
