Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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