my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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