remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
