Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
