he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize