We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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