White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
