booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
