we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
