break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
