Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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