Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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