I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
