Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
