I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
