About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
