Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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