did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
