And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
