I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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