Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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